I've written about words and how meaningless are without context before. I just want to reiterate that any word can be turned into a "bad" word based on the context. I don't believe that the traditional "curse"words or four letter words are any worse/bad/crass as other words placed in the same context.
I've had and have lost a lot of friends in life. This has taught me what a friend is and is not. To begin with, a friend is there for you always, even in your darkest days and your brightest smiles. They don't abandon you when things get to rough or when their life is full of joy. They also are not keen on trying to make you change your personality.
So, I write about these two things because recently I got 2 emails from one person. The first one talked about how sad she was about how some things panned out in my life and how she experienced similar situations.It also talked about how this person wanted to be a friend. It was a loving email with wonderful intentions. I hadn't had a chance to respond to it.
A week or so I received a second email. This email discussed how she still thought of me as a friend but that she would have to remove me from her friend list on FB. She went on to say that she doesn't feel comfortable with some of my word choices (four letter words) that I use from time to time on facebook and elsewhere.
The second email reminded me of conditions that some people place on others. "I'll be your friend if..." "I'll love you if...." Friendship and love should come without conditions. I wonder if I were in a face-to-face conversation about something difficult with this person and happened to use a 4-letter word, would she simply walk away?
I am sarcastic and cynical by nature. I find it hard to trust people and usually loose their interest quickly once I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism or to joke. So, I am used to having conditions placed on friendships and relationships.
So I can't recall the last time I went to church, any church. After my mom died and the lack of comfort I received in that time, I kind of quit going. I wouldn't object to going if a friend asked or if I was invited, but I didn't make a point to get up and go to church. I lost my faith, or rather freely gave it up. In my journey since my mom's death I have come to a place where I am no longer a Christian or any other mainstream religion. I classify myself as agnostic.
I heard about the Unitarian Universalist Church of Huntsville about a year ago. I never took the time to attend the church until today. I was excited to go to the UUCH because they claim to be open to anyone who is seeking community or spirituality without forcing god or a religion down your throat. They are open to people of any religion, race, creed, etc.
Despite going to bed after work around 3 AM, I forced myself to wake up at 9:30 to get ready for church. I arrived at the church about 15 minutes early. I was greeted by a warm older lady and given some information and an invitation to sign the guest book, which I did.
The service started with a brief explaination/welcome regarding the church and their openness to people of all kind. A candle inside a chalice was lit. We sang a few songs from the UU book of songs~all of which were about love and peace rather than about god and salvation. The offering was taken and joys and concerns written by members were read. As each joy or concern was read a candle was lit for that person. A guest speaker then spoke about her visit to Barcelona for a graduate class and how the journey taught her that we should be connected to our community and how community can initiate creativity.
After the speaker spoke, we sang another song and were left to visit with each other. An older lady came up to me and introduced herself and then introduced me to several others. She invited me to a cup of coffee, which I politely refused since I don't drink coffee. At this time, I made my exit. Before getting to my car, I was greeted by a man who introduced himself to me and then handed me a guest packet and asked me to return.
My adventure at the UUCH was similar to any other church. The few differences were that it was quite obviously not a god driven church (which is what attracted to me to begin with). Another difference is that the congregation seemed to be all about 10-20 years older than me, or the opposite 10-20 years younger than me. There wasn't really anyone there that I could connect with which was disheartening.
I am not sure if I will return or not. The fact that there wasn't anyone near my age in the congregation is not too attractive to me as I want to connect with people my age.
But, there you have it, my journey to church for the first time in several years!
As a girl growing up I dreamed of a wedding and meeting my prince charming, having a home with a white picket fence and the whole nine yards. I get a glimpse of that dream every time Hollywood produces a love story and my heart is led to once again believe that the dream is possible.
Then reality sets in. Life is NOT a fairy tale. While there may be a guy (except in my case at the moment) he probably isn't actually prince charming. A home may be made but it comes with unending struggles that the stories never tell you about.
No fairy tale tells you about how hard life actually is, and how finding love and building that dream is no where near as simple and fairy tale like as they want you to believe.
Life is messy, difficult, and sometimes unbearable. Sure there are times of joy and times that may feel like a fairy tale, but then reality once again sets in. Damn reality!
I have lost hope in the fairy tale, in love, in having my own family, in anything other than the harsh reality of life.
Wow! It has been a while since I have visited Xanga.
I am enjoying work. I was promoted about 2 weeks ago. I am a Tier 1 Tech Support Associate. Basically, when someone is having issues with their internet service, I am the person they call. It is going well.
Still waiting to hear from school about the nursing program.
My life has been pretty boring, just work and everyday stuff. I recently helped my dad rebuild his chimney. Other than that there is not much going on in my life.
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